Archives for September 2024

Things aren’t going well over at ABC, patriots. The network has lost a billion dollars in market cap and about 22 percent of its overall stock value after the shameful debate performance by David Muir and that other woman. It all started when Trump made a fool of himself on stage in front of a […]

In a stunning turn of events, NBA legend and business mogul Shaquille O’Neal has reportedly expelled Hollywood superstar George Clooney from one of his restaurants, issuing a lifetime ban. The incident, which has since gone viral, ended with Shaq allegedly telling Clooney, “Keep your wokeness out.” The confrontation occurred at one of Shaq’s Big Chicken […]

In a plot twist that could only happen in 2024, ABC has officially lost five major advertisers following the fallout from its controversial handling of the latest presidential debate. The network, known for its polished news broadcasts and long-standing tradition of hosting political events, has now been hit where it hurts most: its wallet. The […]

Our electronics expert has determined that the earrings and engagement ring worn by Kamala Harris during the last presidential debate connected to form a radio receiver. “It’s undeniable,” said “Rusty” Joe Barron, a guy we met on the sidewalk outside of the last Radio Shack of the Rockies, “You can tell just by looking at […]

In what can only be described as a seismic shift in the world of pop culture and product placements, Taylor Swift, America’s sweetheart-turned-political commentator, has reportedly lost brand deals worth a staggering $125 million. The reason? Her latest “big endorsement,” which seemed to hit all the wrong notes with some of her biggest sponsors. The […]